The tired path

We are afraid, but we are brave. We are afraid, but we are brave. If I tell myself it is so, so it will become.

Looking out of my window, it is night. The trees sway in the breeze, pools of water reflect the cloudy sky in their surfaces – the picture obscured by raindrops and ripples, but still legible. In a way, it is the perfect way to characterize what I feel right now. It’s as if I am looking at the things around me, but the pictures have no sound, they are hazy and it is hard to make out the events which play through them. But I still know what is happening. And as much as I want to stop it, I would have just as much luck trying to prevent every raindrop from hitting the ground.

I am very sad; the hope that was inside me has turned more to a kind of grim, fatalistic determination. Nothing I can do will completely prevent the onset of what is to come, the best I can do is to find something important, and hold onto it as tightly as I can. I will keep this one thing, I will not let it be pulled from my grip. But say that people – much stronger than I – decide that I can’t have this anymore. My grip won’t be strong enough, and so it will be taken from me.

But, maybe I can find people to hold on with me. We will all have to use every bit of our strength, strain to exhaustion. We will be so tired, events will swirl around us, and we might not be able to track all of their movements and every way that our lives are attacked. But maybe if we just all hold on – together – we can still retain what is most important. It will take communication. Sometimes I will have to leave what is most important to me, to help someone hold onto what is most important to them. I couldn’t see the shadows try to take it, but I heard my friend cry for help and so I am here. Sometimes, I will have to call for your help.

Today we mourn because of the threat to our rights, and the tired path ahead. But I will not surrender, nor will I yield, even though I may want to lay down and close my eyes to the shadows. So many of us – though we never asked for it – will have to walk this same trail. But remember, we may be afraid, but we are brave.

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