I was thinking that I’ve never actually used my photography to express my emotions, so tonight I changed that. This isn’t anything particularly special, but the words I wrote on myself are ones that have followed me for a long time. They pop out of people’s mouths, even those that think they are being reassuring. Since moving to Alabama, I hear them a lot more. I can’t lie and say that it doesn’t bother me, these words are connected to so much discrimination that the queer community experiences. But the queer people aren’t alone, most likely all of us carry words or thoughts that seem to pop up at the most inopportune time, over and over again. In the image, I imply my sexuality and ‘perversion.’ However, I am alone, not engaging my sexuality, and hidden in the safety of my room.
As much as my body is my own, it is policed by others. As much as many of my friends’ bodies are their own, they are policed by others. Every day the words collect. We hide them on the inside, they are there even when we feel high. They seep out when we feel low, ruminate, ruminate, ruminate.
Our bodies, in a way, are marked. I hear those echoes often: “Hate the sin, love the sinner.” The loudest voice is mine; how funny it is to find out that I *am* the sin, and I don’t know who the sinner is. Others hear different voices. What is it that they say to you? Is it about your skin color, your gender? Is it about your appearance, your emotions?
Positivity is a good way to end a note, but tonight I don’t feel positive. But, I will go to sleep, and when I wake up I will feel better than I do now.
If you feel low, remember that you are not alone. If we need to rest, we rest. If we fall, we help each other up.
Is this a fitting way to end this?